Addictions come in many forms and to quote Wikipedia
An addiction is a repetitive pattern of behaviour, a cycle that a person gets trapped into, going round and round doing the same old stuff, and so there is no freedom, no sense of control. No Freedom to do something different, be different.
There are many 'things' that people become addicted to; drugs, cigarettes, sex, porn, power, fear, anxiety etc. and it is then easy to blame those things and not take responsibility for themselves. The underlying truth is that people become addicted to their emotions, the emotional feelings that the substance or inter-action stimulates. I have clients who come to me saying "I am addicted to porn." My response is, "No, you're not addicted to porn. You are addicted to the emotional feelings that you get when watching porn." The nail-biter is addicted to the emotional feeling of whatever it is they get from biting their nails and then they keep recreating that every time they have another chew.
There are life situations where people become addicted but may not think of it as that because most people don't know themselves very well. For example, being caught up in a destructive relationship that you can't seem to get out of. You know that you should 'get out' but there's something that always seems to keep you there. In the process becoming more and more addicted, not to the other person but to your own emotions, you feel trapped with no way of escaping. The freedom that would come with escaping feels unfamiliar and therefore scary and so it is emotionally 'safer' and easier to stay with the familiar. If you do manage to get out it is highly likely that your next relationship will have similar characteristics because it is 'familiar' and not so scary.
On the other hand there are people who are addicted to the 'falling in love feelings' of a new relationship, the euphoric high, the thought that you may have found your one-and-only is so thrilling consuming your energy, focus, thoughts and time. You can't stop thinking about your lover. You go to sleep and wake up obsessing about the relationship, that being the last thought as you go to sleep and the first thought when you wake up, and creating a fantasy of what your future will be together. As the relationship progresses and the reality and responsibility of living in a day-to-day relationship with a 'real' person, with all their foibles and faults, kicks in and it doesn't fit the fantasy which begins to fade unfulfilled and all those hypervigilant 'falling in love' feelings begin to wane. The addiction to the emotional feelings is no longer being satiated and so the relationship ends and it's off on the next round looking for the new relationship - the serial lover who never establishes a close loving relationship even though that is what they think they crave.
The office colleague that you fancy and have constant daydreams about. You know the reality is that they probably haven't even noticed you, you don't register on their radar, but you still keep having the daydream and the emotional pleasure of the fantasies and in the process becoming addicted to your own emotions.
How do you let go, move on, create a more positive life for yourself. Recognise and acknowledge your addiction to your emotions and take ownership of your own responsibility to yourself. Once you have taken ownership then you have the strong possibility that you can actually DO something about it. Out of that you can then create new ways of being which still satisfy your emotional needs but in a way which you choose and stay in control of and which are healthy entirely for your emotional, psychological, physiological and spiritual well-being.
The example below is of a very common addiction, alcohol, and without him knowing it Andrew had become addicted to his emotional feeling of deadness, which the booze produced, where he could "blot most things out" and not take responsibility for himself or his relationship. Taking responsibility was a scary thought and so he didn't want to go there.
The most important word in Andrew's email is the word replace. Most people think about and talk about changing their habits - their addictions. Never try and change anything. When you are trying to change something you are thinking about it, when you are thinking about it you are keeping it alive, keeping those relative neuronets in your brain firing and reinforcing it. When you are thinking of what you don't want then that is what you get, that is what you are thinking about and the "don't" will make it worse. For example - if the sign on the fence says "Wet Paint" that'll be one thing, if the sign on the fence says, "Wet Paint - Don't Touch" you'll see people go up and stick their fingers on it - the "don't" becomes compulsive. The quickest way of getting rid of something is to do something else - to replace it with what you want. Tell a child not to do something and it will carry on - great game. You parents will know that the quickest and surest way of stopping a child doing something is to distract it and give it something else to do. 99% of my "Stop Smoking" clients tell me that they have been trying to change their smoking habits. They get a bit of a shock when I tell them I don't want them to change their smoking habits at all. Once that has sunk in I then tell them to focus on what they want - to be a non-smoker and then teach them how to re-create themselves as a non-smoker, re-create because when they were born (created) they were already a non-smoker.
Just as Andrew
found freedom it is also possible for you to be free of your addiction,
whatever it might be. To
be free and in control of your life again, creating yourself as you want
Meaningful - no longer addicted but now in control.
I contacted Neil Several weeks ago asking him if he could help with my problem. I was drinking every night which had become the norm and seemed to be controlling my life. I rarely did anything positive with my life instead the easy way was to blot most things out with several drinks.
The change Neil made to my life was incredible, he suggested finding something to replace my old habits. I said to him i always wanted to play the accordian but always found some reason not to bother.
After only two sessions of relaxation and hypnosis, I felt more positive about myself, I have been taking accordian lessons for five weeks and now feel i am achieving something with my life.
I also am now able to control the amount of alcohol i drink and feel better about this, thanks to Neil I feel I am back in control of my life.
If anyone out there has any type of problem or phobia I would urge them to contact Neil, I am confident he would be able to help, he certainly helped me, dont find a reason to put off, He could change your life
© Neil Robinson 2013
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